The Band Anthology
by TranquilStorm37
Summary: Just a random collection of all things band. There will be song fics, jokes, and mindless ramblings. Enjoy. PS: Drumline tribute songfic now up.
1. Default Chapter

AN: This is just basically a collection of anything and everything that pops into my head about band. There will be song fics, lists, ramblings, jokes, etc. Enjoy.

The Band Anthology

Chapter 1:

I'll Make a Band Out of You

(Sung to 'I'll Make a Man Out of You' from Mulan)

(BTW, I have nothing against pit members, that's just where people in my band who can't march end up.)

Band Director (talking to freshmen) :

Let's get down to business

To become a band

Did they send me eighth grade

When I asked for freshmen?

You're the saddest bunch I ever met

But you can bet before we're through

Somehow I'll make a band out of you

Tranquil as a forest

But on fire within

Once you find your center

We are sure to win

You're a spineless, pale pathetic lot

And you haven't got a clue

Somehow I'll make a band out of you

Freshman 1:

I'm never gonna catch my breath

Freshman 2:

Say goodbye to all non-band friends

Freshman 3:

Man, I really wish that they'd count band as gym

Upperclassman:

This guy's got 'em scared to death

Freshman 1:

I wish that he could see right through me

Freshman 2:

All I really want is to go home and swim!

Band Director:

(Be a band)

You must hit sets like precision missiles

(Be a band)

With all the pride that a drum corps has

(Be a band)

Play as well a pro musician

Confident as the seniors that I have

Time is racing toward us

Till competitions arrive

Heed my every order

And you might survive

(to Freshman):

You're unsuited for that horn of yours

Pack it up, the pit for you

How could I make a band with you?

(Be a band)

You must march like the military

(Be a band)

Keep your eyes on the drum major

(Be a band)

Subdivide with every step

And play the last song as well as the first

(Be a band)

You must hit sets like precision missiles

(Be a band)

With all the pride that a drum corps has

(Be a band)

Play as well a pro musician

Confident as the seniors that I have


	2. How Fictional Characters Can Get You Thr...

Chapter 2: How Fictional Characters Can Get You Through Band Camp

AN: Weird title, yes, but it makes sense later.

This is basically a way to survive band camp while keeping your sanity. Well, some of it. It works for me, anyway. The basic idea is to pretend that you are someone else, a "fictional character" if you will. It makes sense later!!

Ok, so let's say you're learning drill. This is just an example. Lets say you've got this 24 count move, from like the 30 to the 50 and the band director keeps telling you to run it back. Well, pretend you're:

Legolas, Gimli, or Aragorn in The Two Towers 20-minute running scene  
Seabiscuit  
Random cowboys riding random horses  
Dash from the Incredibles

That's a pretty general one, and a pretty good list of characters to chose from. Here's some more for other situations.

Polishing shoes:  
Be Cinderella, or if you want something more fun:  
Sit all alone pretending to be Cosette from Les Mis and sing Castle on a Cloud

Commandeering Freshmen to Do your Work:  
While you're sitting all alone polishing those shoes, wait for a freshman to walk by and then pull a Tom Sawyer. Or for something more pop culture:  
Do your best Capt. Jack Sparrow impression to talk them into it

Marching Backwards:  
Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk (he might as well be fictional)

Marching Forwards:  
Ringwraith  
Dementor (although they're practically the same thing)  
Ghost of Christmas future from A Christmas Carol

Watching the Field Commander:  
Pretend you're Perseus and everyone but the drum major is Medusa

Dodging Colorguard, Tubas, and Bass Drums as you run back sets:  
Aladdin on the magic carpet  
Spiderman!  
James Bond

AN: That's it for now, but look for more fictional character installments in the future.


	3. I Don't Know How to Play This

AN: Now for some more musical fun…

Chapter 3:

I Don't Know How to Play This

(Sung to 'I Don't Know How to Love Him' from Jesus Christ Superstar)

I don't know how to play this  
How it goes, how to count it  
I've lost my touch  
Just lost my touch  
In these past few days  
When I've played my horn  
It seems I really suck

I don't know how to take this  
I don't see why it throws me  
It's a song  
Its just a song  
And I've played so many  
Songs before  
In very many ways  
It's just one more

Should I ask for help  
Should I scream and shout  
Should I smash my horn,  
And let my feelings out?  
I never thought I'd come to this  
What's this all about?

Don't you think it's rather funny  
I should be in this position  
I'm the one  
Who's always been  
So calm, so cool  
No music's fool  
Playing every note  
It scares me so

Should I ask for help?  
Should I scream and shout?  
Should I smash my horn,  
And let my feelings out?  
I never thought I'd come to this  
What's this all about?

Yet if I took a lesson,  
I'd be lost,  
I'd be frightened  
I couldn't cope  
Just couldn't cope  
I'd turn my head  
I'd run away  
I wouldn't want to go  
It scares me so  
What is that note?  
Oh, I don't know!


	4. This Show

AN: Eventually, I swear I'll get back to fictional characters, but I was inspired. Here's a new song fic.

Chapter 4:

This Show

(Sung to "This Love" by Maroon 5.)

I played so high I did not recognize  
The fire burning in my thighs  
The chaos that controlled my mind  
Whispered goodbye to songs that I had played  
Never to return again  
But always in my heart

This show has taken its toll on me  
It has been done too many times before  
And my heart is breaking in front of me  
I have no choice cause I won't play this show anymore

I tried my best to feed their appetite  
Get it right on every night  
So hard to keep them satisfied  
Kept playing music like it was just a game  
Pretending to sound the same  
Then play and go flat again

This show has taken its toll on me  
We have performed too many times before  
And your hearts are breaking in front of me  
I have no choice cause I won't play this show anymore

I'll fix these problem sets  
Repair my clarinet  
And make sure everything's alright  
The pressure's on us now  
Try not to let you down  
And I'll polish my shoes  
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This show has taken its toll on me  
We've got second place too many times before  
And their hearts are breaking in front of me  
I have no choice cause I won't play this show anymore

This show has taken its toll on me  
I've had to play it too many times before  
And my heart is breaking in front of me  
As much as I complained, I want to play some more…

AN: Whenever it said they or their, I meant instructors. Or I guess it could meanother band memberssometimes too. I hope you liked it. I hope it made sense too. It's kinda about hating and then missing band, and trying to make instructors and the rest of the band happy. I think. RR.

P.S.: Thanks for all of the positive feedback so far! I wish I could update this faster for you guys!


	5. Accidentally in Band

AN: Again, I have been musically moved to create another song fic. But rest assured, I am working on something else too – a top 10 list which will hopefully be up by the end of this week. Oh, and for whoever asked, I've played clarinet in marching band for two years, but next year I'll be switching to mellophone (for anyone who doesn't know, it's kind of a marching French horn.) enjoy.

Chapter 5:

Accidentally in Band

(Sung to 'Accidentally in Love' by the Counting Crows.)

So she said what's the problem baby  
What's the problem I don't know   
Well maybe I'm in band (band)  
Think about it every time  
I think about it  
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to learn this  
Gotta learn it cause I can't ignore it if it's wrong (wrong)  
I think I gotta turn around somewhere but I don't know nothing 'bout band

Come on, come on  
March a little faster  
Come on, come on  
The music will come after  
Come on, come on  
Not everyone can be in band

So I said I'm a freshman running  
Running down into the season that's coming all this band  
Marching under blue skies  
Playing out

Sunlight's burning me band

Well baby I surrender  
To the bad band camp food  
Never ever end of all this band  
Well I didn't mean to do it  
But there's no escaping this band

These lines of spray paint  
Mean we're never alone,  
Never alone, no, no 

Come on, Come on  
Play a little louder  
Come on, Come on  
I want to hear crescendos!  
Come on, Come on  
Settle down inside the band

Come on, come on  
Play a little higher  
Come on, come on  
If your chops are not on fire  
Come on, come on  
We were once  
Upon a time in band

We're accidentally in band   
Accidentally in band _x7_

Accidentally

I'm In Band, I'm in Band,  
I'm in Band, I'm in Band,  
I'm in Band, I'm in Band,  
Accidentally _x2_

Come on, come on  
Stay a little tighter  
Come on, come on  
And our show's a little brighter  
Come on, come on  
Just get yourself inside the 

Band ...I'm in band


	6. Top 10 Reasons to Be In Band

AN: I got this up sooner than I thought. It's a top ten list of reasons to join band, even though there are so obviously more reasons than ten. Maybe I'll add on later or something.

Chapter 6:

The Top 10 Reasons to Become a Band Geek

10. Free admission to all football games

9. Tons of new friends

8. Competition (For those of you unfortunately not in comp bands, stick something else in. Unless of course you consider the other non-comp bands sort-of competition. I'm going to shut up now.)

7. Band trips

6. Learn self-discipline

5. Parties!

4. The "family bond" (Or whatever your band director calls it)

3. Something else to add to that letterman's jacket

2. Two words: FREE FOOD!!

1. The opportunity to win bigger trophies than any other school organization, thereby proving that you are BETTER!! (Sorry, non-comps)

AN: Yes, I wrote this in about 20 minutes. Does it show?


	7. Spin With All the Colors of the Wind

AN: OK, I got to thinking and I realized that this whole thing is pretty much about the woodwind and horn lines. So, I decided it was time for a colorguard tribute. (Eventually, I'll get to drumline as well.) So today we salute you, guardies, because without you, we'd just be a bunch of people wearing the same colors marching around, and how boring would that be?

Chapter 7:

Spin With All the Colors of the Wind

(Sung to "Colors of the Wind" from Pocahontas)

You think you own whatever field you march on  
But the field is just a dead thing you can claim  
But I know all the spectators and judges  
Have a life, have a spirit, have a name

You think the only band geeks who are band geeks  
Are the people who march and play like you  
But if you do the routine of a guardie  
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the show as it is being played  
Or seen the cheering crowd jump to their feet?  
Can you smile at the faces in the stands?  
Can you spin with all the colors of the wind?  
Can you spin with all the colors of the wind?

Come jazz run with a flag pole in your hand  
Come listen to what guardies have to say  
Come look at all the band geeks all around you  
And for once, never wonder what they play

The bass drum and the tuba are my brothers  
The piccolos and the trumpets are my friends  
And we are all connected to each other  
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

How high can a rifle be thrown?  
If you leave us out, then you'll never know  
And you'll never see the cheering crowd jump to their feet

For whether we're horns, drums or colorguard  
We need to think of all the people all around us  
We need to spin with all the colors of the wind

For you can own the field and still  
All you'll own is field until  
You can spin with all the colors of the wind

AN: BAND GEEKS RULE! Sorry. Hope you liked it- cuz lemme tell you, this one took some work. RR.


	8. Phantom of the Marching Band

AN: Drumline, I tried. Really I did, but I have yet to come up with a suitable song to parody. So, I'm asking, nay – begging!! – for suggestions. Just send me a review with your idea, and if I can work it out, it will become the drumline tribute. Thanks for your help. In the meantime, enjoy another Broadway musical song fic.

Chapter 8:

The Phantom of the Marching Band

(Sung to "The Phantom of the Opera". I'm pretty sure that you can figure out what it's from.)

AN: One more thing: I've found two different beginning verses for this song, so I'm using the one that was more fun to parody. And with no further ado…

Christine / Random Band Girl:

Up in the scaffolding  
I know he's there  
He's with me on the field  
He's everywhere  
And when the song begins  
I always find  
The phantom of the marching band is there,  
Inside my mind

Phantom:

Play once again with me  
Our strange duet  
My power over you  
Grows stronger yet  
And though you turn from me  
to glance behind  
The phantom of the marching band is there  
Inside your mind

Christine / RBG:

Those who have seen your face  
Draw back in fear  
I am the uniform you wear

Phantom:

It's me they hear

Both:

My/Your spirit and my/your horn  
In one combined  
The phantom of the marching band is there  
inside my/your mind

Chorus:

He's there  
the phantom of the baa-aaand  
Beware the phantom of the baa-aaand

Phantom:

In all your fantasy you always knew  
That band and mu-sic

Christine:

Were both in you

Both:

And in this band room  
Where night is blind  
The Phantom of the marching band is here/there

Inside my/your mind

Phantom:

Play, my Angel of Music!

Christine:

He's there,  
the Phantom of the Baa-aand . .

Phantom:

Play...

Christine: Really high note...

Phantom:

Play...

Christine: Ongoing high note...

Phantom:

Play for me...

Christine: Cont'd high notes until the end...

Phantom:

Play My Angel Of Music!

(Christine :cont'd on a higher note)

Phantom:

PLAY FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

CHRISTINE: ON HIGHER NOTE... ENDS

AN: Originally, I was going to do "Music of the Night", but I just couldn't work it out. I hope you enjoyed this. Wouldn't it be weird if they made a Phantom musical about a band instead of an opera? Sorry, random thought of the day. Anyway, please feel free to leave comments and drumline suggestions.


	9. In Drumline

AN: I finally got an idea for the drumline tribute. I received a few suggestions from Aquarius25 and songwithoutwordz which I did not use, but I'd like to thank them anyway. So today we salute you, drumline, eternal keepers of insane tempos.

In Drumline

(Sung to "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down. Dig through your memory – it's kind of old.)

I took a jog around the field  
To ease my troubled mind  
I left my drum sticks laying somewhere  
In the band room inside

I heard the band slow down  
In measure 82

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I heard the band slow down  
In measure 82  
After all I knew it had to be  
Something to do with you  
I really don't mind what happens now and then  
As long as I'll be in drumline at the end

I think I'm crazy and I blame it  
On the marching band  
If I'm alive and well,

Then I'll be there  
With my sticks in my hand  
It's always on my mind  
Because I'm a band ge-ek  
In drumline

You called me strong, you called me weak,  
But still your tempo I will keep  
You took for granted all the times  
I never let you down  
You slowed it down, messed up the set  
If not for me then you'd be dead  
I picked it up and got you back  
On solid beats

I think I'm crazy and I blame it  
On the marching band  
If I'm alive and well,  
I'll be there with my sticks in my hand  
It's always on my mind  
Because I'm a band geek  
In drumline  
Yeah!!

I think I'm crazy and I blame it  
On the marching band  
If I'm alive and well,  
I'll be there with my sticks in my hand  
It's always on my mind  
Because I'm a band geek  
In drumline

AN: Hope you enjoyed it. Comments more than welcome. BTW, if you are reading this now, it is the revised chapter. In the original I forgot to add the names of those who gave suggestions and I now offer them my sincerest apologies for my brain lapse.


	10. Fictional Characters Installment II

AN: In the previous chapter, I made a terrible mistake. In my opening author's note, I stated that I had received drumline song suggestions from "". In reality, I received suggestions from Aquarius25 and songwithoutwordz. I put in the quotation marks fully intending them as a reminder to myself to add the names, yet I forgot. I have since corrected said chapter and added an apology, which I will repeat here: I extend my sincerest gratitude and apologies to both of you. And now, with no further ado, I will get on with it.

Chapter 10:

How Fictional Characters Can Get You Through Band Camp, Installment II

(I think we could all use some more of these, don't you? If you don't know how these work, I refer you to Installment I, otherwise known as Chapter 2.)

Writing in counting on your music:

Pretend you're Robert Langdon from The Da Vinci Code and the only way you can learn about some obscure secret society is to crack their code of rhythms.

Matt Damon in A Beautiful Mind

Any random Lord of the Rings character reading Elvish…

Or Hermione in her Ancient Runes class (cause let's face it, the stuff is like a foreign language)

The Phantom of the Opera (why, I don't know)

Highlighting sets:

Some spy (I don't care, pick one) tracking something

Robert Langdon (he's just too good for this) and the only way you can learn about some obscure secret society is to highlight C28 over and over and over…..

Wasting time between learning sets:

Roll up your charts and stage a sword/light saber fight (this suggestion courtesy of The Pirate Illusionist)

Lay down and stare at the grass and pretend you're in A Bug's Life

Pretend you're Seabiscuit and find out what that grass tastes like (not a serious suggestion)

Put your ear to the ground and pretend to be Aragorn listening to the orcs marching

When your band director tells you to play louder:

Adam Sandler in Anger Management

When your band director tells you to play softer:

Yeah right, like that would ever happen…haha

Eating that weird food that they serve you:

Stanley from Holes

Someone from The Great Escape and use your lunch time to plot how to bust out of the place

A contestant on Fear Factor (Ok, so that one's real.)

Getting sunburned out there on the field:

Heath Ledger in The Four Feathers stuck out in the desert

Aladdin, again in the desert

AN: I did as many as I could think of today. Look for more future installments. RR.


	11. The Happy Ending

AN: Wahoo, Chapter 11! I've had this song fic floating around in my brain since marching season, as we had a number of disappointing losses at the hands of JUDGES because everything is their fault! Ok, not everything. Well, here goes nothing.

Chapter 11

The Happy Ending (Well, I had to change ONE word…)

(Sung to "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne)

So much for the happy ending  
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's march this over  
It's not like we're dead  
Was it something I played?  
Or was I out of step?  
Don't leave us hanging  
On a field so dead  
Held up so high  
On such a breakable thread

It was all the things I thought I knew  
And I thought we could win

It was everything, everything that we wanted  
We were meant to win, supposed to win, but we lost it  
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
All this time we were pretending  
So much for the happy ending  
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your judges  
I know what they say  
They tell you we're worth a 3  
But so are they  
But they got paid off (AN: Hey, sometimes it seems like it.)  
You know that it's true   
All the bands that beat us out  
Their mistakes that got through

It was all the things I thought I knew  
And I thought we could win It was everything, everything that we wanted  
We were meant to win, supposed to win, but we lost it  
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
All this time we were pretending  
So much for the happy ending  
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

It's nice to know you were there  
Thanks for acting like you cared  
And making us feel like we deserved a one  
It's nice to know we had it all  
Thanks for watching as we fall  
And applauding us when we were done… It was everything, everything that we wanted  
We were meant to win, supposed to win, but we lost it  
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away  
All this time we were pretending  
So much for the happy ending  
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...  
X 2

oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

AN: This is dedicated to band parents, band friends, and all those awesome bands you're competing against who clap for you, even when you perform less than your best. That's all I've got to say.


End file.
